My Mom- and Why I Want to be Just Like Her

In honor of Mother’s Day, I wanted to write a little something about what I’ve learned from my mom.

I could go on and on about my mom and her amazing qualities (as I’m sure most of you could about your own moms), but instead I want to share 3 stories that I feel shows the kind of mother she is and the kind of mother I want to be.

1. I loved climbing trees as a kid, and luckily my backyard had three huge ones that were perfect for climbing. One day I was hanging out on a branch reading. The window to the kitchen was open and I called to my mom to bring me some tortilla chips to eat while I was up there. She brought me a sandwich baggie full of chips, which I hung from a little twig right within perfect reaching distance. And then when I’d finished that bag I called to her and she refilled it again. And again. And again. I don’t know how many times she ended up refilling that thing, just that it was quite a few times, yet my mom never seemed annoyed by it. Although I was young then (probably around 9) I knew my mom was willing to do that for me because she loved me.

2.  I’ve had a lot of weird health problems for as long as I can remember. My mom took me to doctor after doctor trying to figure it out. Each one would send me to a different specialist, but they could never fully figure it out. In fact, one doctor was convinced it must have been in my head, yet my mom always believed me. She has always been my biggest advocate.

At the time I didn’t realize what an emotional and physical drain that must have been on her. Taking me to appointment after appointment, trying to convince doctors that although all my tests showed that I should be feeling great, I wasn’t, and comforting me when I wasn’t feeling well. It had to be exhausting, but she kept at it.

3. When I was a teenager I had a midnight curfew on the weekends. I was quite social and was out with friends almost every Friday and Saturday and I’d stay out with them all the way up till 12:00 even if we really weren’t doing anything. I knew that every night when I got home at least one of my parents would be up waiting for me. Usually my mom.

I didn’t understand why she was always so tired and upset if I was late. It was only 12. I could have kept going till at least 1:00!

Now that I’m a mom myself, I get it. It’s not easy to stay awake till midnight anymore. And by the time my kids are teenagers I’m sure it’ll be even harder. Yet my mom did it every night. She never went to bed before all her children were safely home (unless my dad was able to stay awake that night). Plus, once we got home she’d stay up and talk with us as we told her all about our night. So even though we’d get home at midnight, we usually didn’t head to bed till after 12:30.

And my mom definitely woke up earlier than I did the next day. And she didn’t get the afternoon naps I often took after school. How she did it, I still don’t know. I guess I better figure it out because I’m going to do that with my kids. It will show them how much I care, just as I knew my mom did.

I’m so grateful for my mom. She’s taught me many things, but these three examples are standing out most to me right now. I think mostly, they show that she gave of herself.

I’m sure it wasn’t easy for her. I only have 2 kids, yet I’m not as good at giving them myself as she was with her 7. I’m hoping that writing this down will help me remember how important it is. I always knew how much she loved me because she showed me.

Photo from here

Parenting: Easter egg hunt and dealing with disappointments

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about parenting in this day and age. It’s different for my kids than it was when I was their age. I’m not going to go completely into that now because there’s too much to say about it. I’m just going to focus on one aspect.

Many kids these days aren’t allowed to feel disappointment. Their parents try to protect their emotions at all costs. And I get why: it’s hard to see your child hurt. But…

We have to remember that it’s good for them too. In this day and age where “everyone is a winner” we, as parents, need to remember that it’s our job to also teach them that it’s okay to lose. It’s okay to have disappointments. Life goes on.

My kids are only 2 and 4, so I haven’t had a lot of experience with this yet, but I’ve been thinking a lot about it since going to a city Easter egg hunt with them.

I was visiting my parents and my mom was so sweet to walk down to the park with me and the kids to go to the Easter egg hunt (and to do most of the kid carrying since I was pregnant and exhausted). They had the park sectioned off into areas by age, so that it would be more fair, so my mom took Logan to the 0-3 year olds area and I took Kaylee to the 4-6 year old area.
Kaylee was so excited!
She kept asking me to take pictures of her posing with her basket while we waited.
When the siren went off, it was a mad house! It wasn’t a hard egg hunt. There were tons of eggs just thrown onto the grass. The kids just needed to hurry to pick them up. Most of the parents watched from the side-lines (as we were asked to do) as the kids went to grab the eggs.

Kaylee wanted to watch the fireman turn on the siren, so she was 2 seconds behind everyone. She hustled to the grass to find eggs. I saw her bend down to pick one up. Then I lost sight of her. It was like she was just enveloped by kids and parents (the ones who couldn’t bear to let their older children go alone because then they wouldn’t get many eggs). I scanned the crowd, looking for my daughter. I figured she’d gone down the little hill, so I kept looking down there. I couldn’t find her. The eggs were all found in less than a minute and I looked everywhere for Kaylee. Finally I found her with another sweet mom (her child looked like she was Kaylee’s age). She was crying because she couldn’t find me.

And because she’d only gotten one egg.

My heart broke for her. She was so sad!

I had so many emotions at that moment. Sorrow for my daughters tears. Annoyance at the older kids with their baskets full and overflowing (especially towards the ones whose parents helped them). Guilt for not making sure my child got more eggs.

But then I realized something. This was a life lesson for her. Sometimes we get disappointed. Life doesn’t seem fair. But we find that life does go on and that it’s still good.

It ended up being a life lesson for me too. In those few moments I realized that as much as I want to shield my children from every sorrow and every disappointment they might come across, that would be unfair to them. How could they function in this world if they don’t know how to deal with disappointment? I was glad I hadn’t gone out there (like a bunch of the other parents) and made sure my child’s basket was full. I was sad for Kaylee, but I was also grateful that she was going to be able to learn to deal with disappointment.

By learning how to handle the little disappointments early in life (only finding one Easter egg, not getting the last cookie, not getting a high grade on a test even after studying), it helps them learn strategies for coping with the bigger disappointments that are bound to come later on.  

I tried to get Kaylee excited about the egg she did have. I took a picture of her holding up the egg.Looking at this photo breaks my heart. She was trying to put on a happy, brave face even though she was sad (she’s such a sweet girl).

We talked about how it was sad that she didn’t get a lot of eggs like a lot of the others, but that it was exciting that she got one! It was hard for her, but she did well with it.

When we met up with Logan and my mom, Logan actually shared some of his candy with her. It was sweet. (Little things like that will help him learn empathy, right? )
Interesting how that one experience has had such an impact on me. I already believed in the whole letting kids experience disappointment thing, but that was the first time I was truly put to the test with it. It was a good lesson for me. One I hope I can always remember (because seriously… it can be an easy one to forget when your child is in tears).

I should probably disclose that there were city helpers who peeked into the kids baskets as we were leaving the park and they put more candy in if they felt they didn’t get much, so Kaylee did get some more candy. Don’t think I’m a hypocrite for saying this, but I thought that was nice. I still think Kaylee learned a lesson (she did have to deal with the disappointment for awhile and she hopefully learned that getting a ton of eggs isn’t important). Plus, I learned a lesson.